dreams like worlds forgotten
by luluhrh
Summary: Post-IWRY drabble-ish thing. Also sort of involves BtVS, but no specific events from either show. Pretty AU... mostly because I'm still not done watching either show, so don't aim your guns at me for inaccuracies! Oh, and it's Bangel, or B/A, or Buffy/Angel... whatever you wanna call it, this is it. Hope you like! Love ya! lulu


**I had a little idea.**

 **It's just a little IWRY plot bunny thingy. It was intended as a drabble, but who knows? These are my babies. Maybe I'll prolong their suffering now so that when I write the fluffy lovey-dovey bits in AUs, I won't be tempted to make them suffer.**

 **This is Bangel, or B/A, or however you wanna write it. Buffy/Angel. Savvy?**

 **Disclaimer:** **What I wouldn't give to be Joss Whedon... but no, I'm not him (sadly).**

 **You ready? I'm certainly not. Ah well. _Allons-y!_**

* * *

 _Thump thump. Thump thump thump._

 _I felt your heart beat._

It's hard to remember that it never happened to anyone but him.

It's so real in his mind- chocolate melting on his warm tongue, her heat melding with his, feeling spent and sated and so happy he could burst.

It's real for him. No one else. Everyone else goes on like the world didn't shift violently, giving a demon his humanity back, only to shift back and take it away so that one small blonde girl could keep on living.

 _I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget..._

then she forgot.

And that's okay. He can remember enough for the both of them.

* * *

 _I felt your heart beat._

It was just a dream. That's all it had ever been. Just her slumbering mind giving her the scenario she had always wanted.

But it felt so _real_.

He was warm and soft, laughing and smiling and eating ice cream. Hot hands on her sides, lifting her up against the fridge, onto the kitchen counter, then later clumsily dripping said cold treat onto his chest. She licked it off impishly, knowing that beneath the hard-but-soft planes of his chest, that long-dead muscle was alive again, pumping _his_ blood through _his_ veins.

And then- nothing. Nothing but bone-deep sadness and three words.

 _I'll never forget._

Just a dream, she manages to convince herself.

And she forgets again.

* * *

Sometimes, he allows himself to wonder. What if he hadn't given that life away? What if he had just... stayed with Buffy? As a human?

Chances are, he'd be dead. Killed, most likely, by the things that lurk in the shadows... or even by some normal, mortal problem, like sickness or a car crash. He would have been vulnerable to those things for the first time in centuries.

But if he hadn't?

He would've held her back. He knows that. As a human, he was weak and helpless.

But if he trained, became strong?

Would she even have stayed? Or would his allure have vanished? No more tortured vampire with a soul, just a human guy trying to keep up with her?

No, he's certain she would have stayed. He loved her (still did, probably always would) and she loved him. They would have been happy.

Until that prophecy came true and one of them died, of course.

He stops the daydreams when they reach that point. He doesn't regret his choice. He doesn't. Buffy will live longer now, not die because of their love.

He'll go a few weeks without even thinking about that tantalizing glimpse he'd had at normalcy. He never lasts much longer than that.

Then the cycle begins again.

* * *

The dreams don't haunt her. They don't. They fade away mere moments after she awakens, leaving her only with the feeling of heartbreak (that's how she'll know she dreamed of him).

But the _idea_ of them, the _what if?_ following her around persistently, stalking her thoughts- _that's_ what haunts her.

What if Angel wasn't cursed?

Well, then he'd be a murderous killing machine.

Yeah, okay, but what if he had his soul, but not that stupid loophole?

It would be incredible. They could be together without him constantly reminding himself that he couldn't be too happy around her. It would... it would change everything.

But it does have the loophole.

But... what if...

What if Angel became human?

She doesn't know how it could happen. She doesn't know why she thinks it could. All she knows is that, out of all her fantasies, this one is her favorite. A human Angel, with no demon lurking inside. Weakened, sure, but able to grow old by her side, stay with her all her days. She wants this, this forever out of reach _normalcy_ with her love.

It hurts to imagine, so after a while, she'll stop... only to start again a few weeks later. She never lasts longer than that.

Then the cycle begins again.

* * *

He can still feel the echo of his heartbeat sometimes, coursing through his chest, catching him unawares. He'll freeze, listening intently, hoping to hear another beat, and another, one after the other, slow and steady, marching to the beat- 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2...

There's only ever one beat. Then it's gone, a ghost of a memory of a time that never came to pass.

* * *

The memory never goes away. It's always there, somewhere in the back of her mind. She's not conscious of it when awake, but sleeping unlocks the time fold, and the images tap dance across her dreamscape, playing a simple rhythm- 1-2, 1-2, 1-2, 1-2...

But when the murky depths of drowsiness clear away, the thing that never happened is gone again.

* * *

It hurts them both, even if they ignore it or don't realize it. One who consciously remembers and often wishes he could forget, and the other who wanted to never forget and didn't get her wish. They both burn in the time that never was, beautiful and unending and _together_ \- and now, trapped apart in the world that is, that connects them. They don't know it, but the cord of a world forgotten stretches, golden and shining, like spider silk and steel and light and dark and nothing and everything all at once. They are connected.

And it burns.

* * *

One day, a long time away, the Slayer who changed everything will die. She will die fighting a dangerous foe, and she will bring her enemy with her.

She will be mourned, but her friends and family will have learned their lesson, and they will leave her in her grave. They will not try to get her back.

Not too long after that, the vampire with a soul will fall, defending his city from darkness. He will have seen it coming, but he will not duck away.

He will be mourned, but no one will have the means to bring him back, and very few will have the motive. He will remain as dust forever more.

* * *

Far, far away, their souls will be reunited, pulled together in the very Heaven she was once taken so harshly from by that strand of sunlight from an alternate universe, and they will rejoice in their final reward.

Then, and only then, will she remember.

* * *

 **This was _supposed_ to be depressing. Instead I got goosebumps as I wrote about their deaths and ultimate reunions.**

 **Well, it was a bit depressing... right? Tell me with a review! A favorite would also be appreciated, but only if you liked it! Don't bother following, though... I won't be writing more. I got this idea out of my head at last.**

 **The word of the day is PROCLIVITY! This is actually quite fitting, you know. It's a predisposition/inclination towards something, _especially_ a strong inherent inclination towards something objectionable. Something like... oh, I don't know... an inherent inclination between two people who really love each other and unfortunately should not be locked in a dark room together because it would probably end in the apocalypse? Remind you guyses of anyone in particular? No? Oh well. XD**

 **Love ya! lulu**


End file.
